There's beauty in the breakdown

One of my favorite symbols in life is the lotus flower. (Random Lady V Fact: The lotus also happens to be the only thing I would ever get tattooed on my body). The reason why I love this flower (other than the fact that its seeds are yummy) is its symbolism -- the lotus flower is a picture of true beauty that grows out of the murky, muddy waters of the earth. What a truism in life -- we have to go through the shitty times to arrive at a place of purity where we can reflect the beauty we've come to appreciate.

I think I'm having one of those very moments. I received some rather unsettling news yesterday from a friend and had a mini breakdown, while driving through the streets of the District. Yeah, bad combination but at least it was only a mini breakdown. Anyway, I was feeling pretty awful about myself -- angry at choices I've made, appalled by my stupidity, disgusted by my naivete. As though having two midterms and an economics presentation in one week wasn't bad enough.

But there is beauty in the breakdown. I just had to look up and away from my dark and twisty self-criticism to see it. Within hours, I had friends from Boston to Saskatoon giving me pep talks, offering words of encouragement, stroking the crushed ego. The real beauty is how it all fell together -- first the phone calls, then emails, then a Beantown friend happened to be in town tonight and, when I got home, a random letter of encouragement awaited me. It's like I was set up to be broken down, but whoever set it up made sure I had all the right resources to be lifted again. I'm not fully recovered from the breakdown but at least I'm a work in progress. Yeah, you need to go through the shitty times first, but you don't always have to do it alone. If you're blessed enough, you'll have people to lean on and learn from.

Thanks, ladies.