Dating and football

Speed dating is a lot like a live fantasy football draft.

1. Things move so quickly and it can be a bit overwhelming, especially if it’s your first draft.

2. There are a lot of men to choose from and you can’t always keep their names straight.

3. All the men are assigned numbers.

4. You really want to give the sleepers a chance, but sometimes you just can’t stomach the risk.

5. No matter what, there are always picks that you steer clear of.

But, on the upside, if it’s a live, in-person draft, there’s also plenty of beer, food, some good-looking men, and sometimes, just sometimes, you get really lucky even in the most unexpected ways.

Such was my first speed dating adventure. And since I was accompanied by three other Gang of 100 girls who have become my regular partners in crime, I think they have earned Prophecy nicknames. Now, there aren’t many well-known things that come in 4s…I mean, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse doesn’t really strike me as an appropriate way to refer to this group. We’ll go with “The Four Seasons.” Here, then, are the highlights and lowlights of The Four Seasons’ speed dating extravaganza:

We (that is, Winter, Autumn, and Spring) started with drinks at Winter’s house (a bit o’ liquid courage never hurt no one) and headed into The ‘Ginia to meet up with Summer for a hectic evening of “hurry up and find your hookup.” Within 30 seconds, I was on a first-name basis with our server, Red, who provided food and more booze. Way to start the game!

But speed dating is freakin’ hectic. First, the ladies sit down. Then the men file in and home in on the girl they first want to meet. It almost feels like fifth grade gym class. You have four minutes to get to know the other person before the hostess blows a rather lame-sounding whistle. It all moves rather quickly and I could barely keep all the men straight. Some had the same name, some were rather forgettable, others were sweet but not so cute, a lot of them are IT consultants… and, sadly, I can’t say there were any hotties present. Oh well.

Remember my reference to fantasy football and how you want to find the sleepers but sometimes can’t bear to pick them over a sure thing? Yeah, well, there’s a lot of that in speed dating. This one guy, #35, seemed nice but had a wonky eye. And there was a sort of latent awkwardness to him. I just couldn’t mark him as a “yes.” Speaking of wonky eyes, we had two wonky eyed men and one wonky ear’d man.

And then there’s the pick you steer clear of. In our case, it was #42. He sat down, hushed me, pushed a blue gift bag toward me, and ordered me to pick a card. No joke. For some unknown reason, I obliged and found myself having to tell him where we’d go on a road trip, what I’d pack and who would drive. This was also the same man who fondled Winter’s hand under the guise of a palm reading. Ew.

And then Red came to my rescue. About halfway through the evening, he came over with a business card and a beer that I hadn’t ordered and told me it was compliments of a regular customer who thought I was cute. That’s bold, y’all. Sending a drink to a girl who is in the middle of a speed dating evening? I figured this guy definitely deserves 10-minute make-out session …. I mean, a hello. But then I got worried he had a snaggle tooth or was missing a lip or a nose or something and maybe I wouldn’t want to make out with him anyway.

Well, turns out, Red looked out for me – Mystery Man turned out not only to be Super Cute Man but Super Genuine Man and Super Sweet Man. He told me he had seen me through the window as he passed by on his way out of the office, got to his car in the garage, drove it up two floors, then promptly parked it again because he just had to come say hello to me. I think I blushed. Then he asked me if he could take me out to dinner. I think I blushed again. Hee.

Anyway, The Four Seasons ended up staying at the bar for at least another 2 hours, drinking and hanging out with Mystery Man, Red, the hostess, the bartender, the bouncer, and two other Speed Dating fellows. This night definitely scores in the top 5 DC Nights I’ve had so far. As an added bonus, Red didn’t charge us for 2/3 of what we ordered and a Speed Dating man picked up the tab that was left. Who needs to cram for an accounting midterm, a stats midterm, and an econ case presentation when you can be meeting random men in strange bars?