Operation 2012

According to the Mayan calendar, the world is coming to an end in 2012.

A USA Today article (always a reliable source) explains, "part of the 2012 mystique stems from the stars. On the winter solstice in 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years." The date will be Dec 21, 2012, just two days after my birthday.

Damn. If the world is coming to an end in five years, I better get a move on in the dating department. Thank goodness the world comes to a halt at the end of the year. Anyway, this week, with three other fabulous yet single women, we launched Operation 2012 -- a concerted and strategic effort to find four fabulous yet single men in this barren land called Washington D.C.

Unfortunately, Operation 2012 didn't get off to a strong start. We four ladies went up to Baltimore for a Marc Broussard/Toby Lightman concert and I quickly set eyes on a good-looking man and his friend. I had high hopes. But the first words out of this man's mouth came after Marc toasted Reggie Bush --Dude leaned over and deftly explained "Reggie Bush is a running back in the NFL." I wanted to punch him in the face. I haughtily explained that I'm sufficiently familiar with Reggie Bush, thank you very much, and by the way, my football team was in the Superbowl and assuming he was a Ravens fan, he could take that and shove it. Okay, I didn't really say the 'shove it' part. But I wanted to.

I let it go and hoped he would redeem himself. Sadly, that's where I went wrong. For the rest of the concert, Dude and his friend loudly jabbered about nothing in particular and made more obnoxious comments. It was during the encore that they really outdid themselves. Marc was playing a slowish song and Dude's friend stuck his head in our business and says "My friend and I have been dancing here next to each other the whole concert and we don't want anyone to think we're gay or anything. So do you mind if we dance with you?"

What the hell kind of pick-up line is that?? Not only is it entirely offensive, it's just downright lame. I've heard better lines from the kindergarteners I tutored last semester. Not in any mood to put up with bad lines and even more annoyed that good-looking Dude was worthless, I retorted "Ha. Don't worry, we know you're not gay. Be secure in your manhood." I figured that would be enough to shut down most men, given an intelligence above that of a plastic penguin. But no. Two songs later, and Dude's friend tries again to dance with my friend. I think she gave him a flat no.

So ended the first Operation 2012 project. We move on to the next phases. Phase One is to identify the fabulous non-single men we know and scour their Facebook pages for potentials. Phase Two is to test the online dating waters. Stay tuned.