I'm failing in my mission

July 30, 2007

10:04 p.m.

The outlook isn't good. Three online dating sites, six days, and not a single promising prospect. Four men over the age of 45 have "winked" at me. My matches have headlines like "Opportunities are seldom prefect!" and nicknames like "CuteStud2007."

It gets worse.

I've been living in D.C. for 11 months. There are approximately 279,134 men that also live in Washington D.C. Yet somehow, despite this sizeable population, eharmony matched me with SOMEONE I KNOW! He's a friend of mine from Boston, who went to my church and just moved to the D.C. area.

And then there was this jewel of a man, who ended his profile with "Yes, first of all I have conservative values. However, that doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. But if you are "liberal" we are not a match - I don't believe that's the way of Christ, sorry."

I haven't read a single profile with personality, extraordinary wit or undeniable goodheartedness. But what an amazing coincidence -- all these men online are open-minded, want women who like to laugh, love to travel but not as much as they'd like, and hate to play games. Seriously, guys. Written profiles matter! It's like they think posting up shirtless photos and writing crap like "I really don't know how to describe myself, I am looking for friends first with a potential to be more, if it indeed happens" is tempting.

Operation 2012 is going to need reinforcements...