A whole lotta ugly

About a month ago, one of my roommates (I'll name her Duck) told us that she was going to inherit a free sofa from her boss. This was greeted with much enthusiasm, since our current sofa is indescribably uncomfortable. Seriously, I wanna know who designs these things -- who conceives of a piece of sitting furniture that is ill-suited to sitting??

Anyway, Duck went off with her new beau to pick up the sofa. Since her boss has impeccable taste and deep pockets, she assumed the sofa would be tasteful, expensive, and modern. Unfortunately, the coach was none of the above. Duck discovered that the unwanted sofa was not only the ugliest thing she had ever laid eyes upon, but it was only a loveseat and it was the very first piece of furniture that her boss's wife had ever purchased. Wifey was so sad to depart with it, but ecstatic that it was going to a good home.

In Duck's words:

"I didn't know what to do! I was so caught off guard that I couldn't say no. I should have just told her that it was the wrong size, but I couldn't do it! I just couldn’t! I was speechless!"

How often is one rendered speechless by a sofa? In a haze of confusion and disorientation, Duck and the beau actually loaded up the thing into the truck and tried to fit it into the house. Then they decided it was so ugly that it had to go. So they left it on the side of the road with a "FREE" sign. And then they left the house.

I came home later that evening to this sight on my driveway:

Y'all, it has BUTTERFLIES on it! Who puts BUTTERFLIES on a sofa? I don't even think Mariah would want it. It's not just ugly, it's FUGLY in every sense of the word. It’s pink. And blue. And yellow. And green. With flowers. And it's worse in person. When Duck came back to the house, hours later, the POS sofa was still outside. No one even wanted it for free. Not a living soul. Then, she got worried that the dew would completely ruin it, so we had to drag it back into the house at midnight.

The next day, I left for class and returned in the evening to find the fugly sofa neatly covered by a sheet, which was duck-taped into place to cover all its garish parts. My other roommate, Chestnut, calmly explained that she was trying to do work in the living room but the fugliness was so distracting that she had to cover it up in order to concentrate.

That’s quite an accomplishment for a sofa. Anyone want it?