If Stephanie Plum was a bartender ...

... she would have looked like me at the Net Impact fundraiser on Wednesday night. Having recently dyed my hair a bright red, I was all decked out in hot bartender gear -- black halter top, sexy but not too scandalous, great jeans and fabulous don't-mess-with-me boots.

But within the first 20 minutes, I broke three beer glasses, exploded a bottle of Sam Adams on myself, and concocted a handful of vodka shots that tasted more like rubbing alcohol with a splash of cranberry. However, the two regular bartenders, J and J, were fabulous coaches and I had improved considerably by the end of the night, earning an A+ rating from them and numerous rounds of various colored shots.

Then again, the grade might have been boosted because, at the behest of J, I went around the bar at the end of the night with money stuffed in my pants and halter top, asking for donations. I raised $45 with that little stunt alone! It wasn't without hurdles, however. During my circuit, I tried to start up a conversation with two women in a booth ... only to find out they were DEAF. Feeling like a complete idiot, I could only remember two words from my one semester of sign language class -- 'thank you' and 'sorry.' Both of which came in handy, after a friend came to the rescue and wrote out an explanation of what the crazy Asian girl with money bursting forth from her bra was doing. They gave me $5 and sent me on my way.

The largest contributer to the money-in-my-pants fund was Detective Adams, a regular at the bar, who shoved $10 into my clothes and wanted to give me his business card. I politely declined. Yes, I do have a desire to date a D.C. cop ... but I'd prefer that he is under the age of 40.

The good news is that we had a great turnout -- thanks to the Gang of 100, the Newbies and even my nonprofit co-workers! Not sure how much we raised yet but I have high hopes. And whatever the final tally is, I have two more dollars to add, which I discovered in my bra after I got home.

What a perfect way to end the night.

----------------
Now playing: Jars Of Clay - Good Monsters
via FoxyTunes