Love in Bullet Points

While I seem to have stumbled upon a pretty fabulous guy to hang out with these days, I was reminded this week about how many swine I encountered before discovering one pearl (yeah, mixed metaphor, but whatever). Like the Metro worker who caught up with me on the escalator today and asked if I knew who Halle Barry is, because (and I quote) "she'd be real mad at you." I have no idea what that was supposed to mean but I'll chalk it up to the new pair of zebra print shoes that I was sporting. They're so hot, men can't think straight around them.

Then there was the man I'll call Stash, who cornered me at the bar on Monday. I had merely stopped in to see how much money we raised during my bartending adventure. J poured me a beer on the house (and a couple of follow-up shots) and Stash sauntered over for a chat. Since J was working, he couldn't come save me and I couldn't give out my fake bar name. Well, I was dumb enough to give him my generic email address. In my defense, this guy knows Derek Jeter because he was heading to Tampa to set up Jeter's home entertainment system, and he said he could score playoff tickets. (Hm. As I type this, I realize just exactly how entirely foolish I was to believe him ... but, hey, I haven't been to Yankee Stadium in ages!)

Anyway, Stash walked off with my generic email and sure enough, a few days later I had a note from him. I could just paraphrase it for you, but it's so much more entertaining in all of its over-the-top flattering, glaringly misspelled glory. Enjoy.

--------------------

Yes, you made quite an impact. It was certainly a pleasure meeting you at the bar Monday night. It was purely coincidence that we meet because I was suppose to finish my project Monday and leave that evening. in stead, we worked late and decided to finish Tuesday morning and grab a beer and a bite. I apologize for not presenting myself more appropriately. I needed a shave and I was sweating all day. I can assure you when we meet again you will notice a marked inmprovement.

Let's talk about you. You got it going on girl....let me explain. I was impresed in a few different areas.

- Intellect: You have a depth of intellect that captivates a listener

- Pay it forward: You have a very good sense of generosity in terms of giving back to society. We should all seek ways to improve civilization and one way is to support programs that help the overall general population. I am not a big fan of corporate America.

- Great Conversationist: You hold your own with interesting conversation and you promote good communication.

- YES... you are a Yankees fan. I am in Tampa as we I type. I will let you know how my week work out with the players. I will be able to invite you to his tournament in January as we progress our friendship.

World Traveler: I apprecite a world traveler because other regions open ones' mind while gaining understanding and respect for other cultures.

I can see taking a 10 hours flight with you and completely enjoying our conversation and having a wonderful time say, in Buenos Aires, Paris or anywhere.

I would like to take you to dinner and continue getting to know you as a person. I have a tentative meeting with a client in DC in the next 2 weeks. The actual date is flexible ( has to be a weekday) so let me know what works for you and you pick your favorite restaurant.

You seem to appreciate museums. That is why I have been to Paris over 10 times. I enjoy the museums, the sidewalk cafes, the vineyards in the region and the overall cosmopolitan atmosphere.

It is my hope that we can become good friends and I can take you one of your favored destinations. I love to travel and so do you. My future desires are: Hong Kong, Thailand, Buenos Aires, yes Dubai and maybe Bali or Shangli.

Keep in touch and tell me more about yourself or you can wait until we have dinner. I pride myself in being someone very open, generous, helpful and understanding. I believe in treating people right and maintaining friendships. All of my good friends will say nothing but positive things about me but I hoping you will find out on your own.

Good luck in scholl this week.

~Stash



----------------
Now playing: John Coltrane - Moment's Notice
via FoxyTunes

I must be insane ...

Somehow, I convinced myself that it would be a good idea to apply for a second internship while already working 10 hours a week and taking 5 classes.

Somehow, against all odds, I managed to actually get the job offer, which happens to be with a remarkable organization that does overseas investments in emerging markets. I couldn't say no. It's so perfect for me! Except that I'm pretty sure I'm not smart enough to work there. And I don't know a lick about financing projects in emerging markets ... hopefully the 300-page book I just borrowed from the library will save the day. Or least teach me enough to fake it.

Somehow, I have to survive working Monday and Wednesday days until classes from 5:10-9:40pm, working all day Tuesday, and working Thursday until class from 3-6pm, while juggling Net Impact and student government responsibilities, finding time for at least a couple IPOs, doing homework, and maybe even squeezing in a date or two with a rather fabulous new guy who makes me smile. A lot. In a blushing, giddy, I'm-laughing-at-your-jokes-because-they're-actually-witty-not-because-
I-have-to kinda way.

It's too bad that sleep truly is all it's cracked up to be.

----------------
Now playing: Iron & Wine - Sunset Soon Forgotten
via FoxyTunes

Camping is pretty great. Most of the time.

There is a right way and a wrong way to go camping. And I think I discovered a little of both over the weekend. Here's the recap:

The right way -- camping on the beach of an island with wild horses. Even though the horses look more like domesticated ponies. "Who's gonna riiiide your wild horses?" sang in my head all weekend long. I didn't dare sing out loud, for fear that my fellow campers would do something really mean to me in the dark of the night.

The wrong way -- borrowing an old, musty tent that's been sitting outside for about 20 years.

The right way -- Camping at a site near a Wal-Mart so you can buy a new tent for $26 on Day 2, after two campers have slept in the Ford Explorer because the musty tent wouldn't stand up.

The wrong way -- Driving to camp in a Ford Explorer with a weak battery that dies on the first night while trying (unsuccessfully) to set up the old musty tent in the middle of the night.

The right way -- Having camping neighbors with jumper cables that give your dead vehicle a boost the next morning.
The wrong way -- Not realizing that the car battery is worthless and having to ask your neighbor for a second jump 4 hours later.

The right way -- Going back to the Wal-Mart to buy a new car battery.

The wrong way -- Not bringing waterproof matches on an island with a lot of moisture in the air and realizing that sometimes Bic lighters don't actually solve all the world's problems.

The right way -- Starting a campfire with lighter fluid purchased at Wal-Mart.

The wrong way -- Placing pots on the picnic table where an unsuspecting camper can burn himself.

The right way -- Eating bacon, eggs and pancakes after icing the camper's burnt fingers.

So, all in all, we did more right things than wrong things on this trip! Especially considering that I haven't actually been camping in ages -- not counting the time I spent a weekend in a tent in someone's backyard woods on Cape Cod. (We had access to the most amazing outdoor shower, so we definitely weren't roughing it by any stretch of the imagination). I feel terrible saying this, but Wal-Mart saved us this past weekend. Ugh, I feel so dirty after typing those words.

But I might be hooked on this whole camping thing. I might not have truly been "in the wild" on this particular trip, but I'm already thinking big -- like maybe a week-long camping trip in the Grand Canyon over winter break....or conquering the Appalachian Tail, a la Bill Bryson. Hmm. I better find a really capable (and hot) Eagle Scout to accompany me.



----------------
Now playing: Common - I Want You (Feat. Will.I.Am)
via FoxyTunes

News flash: Men are insecure

The good news is that women in their 20s are earning more than their male counterparts (mostly due to the fact that we're more educated). The bad news is that many men are too insecure to handle it. This poses problems for well-educated, well-salaried women in the dating scene, according to this NY Times article ... Make sure you read to the end - the last paragraph is great, thanks to a quote from a fabulous friend of mine in Boston.

It would be interesting to see a follow-up article, with a focus on the men's point of view. This piece is decidedly female-centric -- would a survey of men reveal the same insight? Would men actually tell the truth? I mean, come on, very few men would actually admit to being insecure about dating a women who makes more money or is more educated. But, in my own experience and in the experience of many of my female friends, that insecurity is everywhere, albeit to varying degrees ...



----------------
Now playing: Frank Sinatra & Bono - I've Got You Under My Skin
via FoxyTunes

If Stephanie Plum was a bartender ...

... she would have looked like me at the Net Impact fundraiser on Wednesday night. Having recently dyed my hair a bright red, I was all decked out in hot bartender gear -- black halter top, sexy but not too scandalous, great jeans and fabulous don't-mess-with-me boots.

But within the first 20 minutes, I broke three beer glasses, exploded a bottle of Sam Adams on myself, and concocted a handful of vodka shots that tasted more like rubbing alcohol with a splash of cranberry. However, the two regular bartenders, J and J, were fabulous coaches and I had improved considerably by the end of the night, earning an A+ rating from them and numerous rounds of various colored shots.

Then again, the grade might have been boosted because, at the behest of J, I went around the bar at the end of the night with money stuffed in my pants and halter top, asking for donations. I raised $45 with that little stunt alone! It wasn't without hurdles, however. During my circuit, I tried to start up a conversation with two women in a booth ... only to find out they were DEAF. Feeling like a complete idiot, I could only remember two words from my one semester of sign language class -- 'thank you' and 'sorry.' Both of which came in handy, after a friend came to the rescue and wrote out an explanation of what the crazy Asian girl with money bursting forth from her bra was doing. They gave me $5 and sent me on my way.

The largest contributer to the money-in-my-pants fund was Detective Adams, a regular at the bar, who shoved $10 into my clothes and wanted to give me his business card. I politely declined. Yes, I do have a desire to date a D.C. cop ... but I'd prefer that he is under the age of 40.

The good news is that we had a great turnout -- thanks to the Gang of 100, the Newbies and even my nonprofit co-workers! Not sure how much we raised yet but I have high hopes. And whatever the final tally is, I have two more dollars to add, which I discovered in my bra after I got home.

What a perfect way to end the night.

----------------
Now playing: Jars Of Clay - Good Monsters
via FoxyTunes

Pest Plagues Persist

Who knew that house flies were so ... fertile? On Sunday, my roommate and I were preparing lunch when she said "I'm kinda freaked out that there are six flies on the door." Sure enough, there were a bunch of them crawling on the kitchen door window. We stepped back, glanced around the kitchen and suddenly realized that our two kitchen windows and door were COVERED in little crawling houseflies. We promptly screamed, ran around the kitchen trying to decide what to do, finally grabbed a couple of flyswatters and went to town. Within 20 minutes, we had accomplished our housefly genocide and vacuumed up the remains for a dusty and unceremonious burial with not an ounce of remorse. I think perhaps part of my spirit died with those little creatures. On second thought ... no effin' way. Call me a heartless mass murderer but I'd do it again in a New York minute. Them things are DIRTY.

(With no other explanation, we determined that the Musca Domestica progenitors must have laid eggs near the carcass of the dead mouse recently removed from under the stove. And the batch of offspring came to life. So. Freakin'. Gross.)

Please, Lord, let this be the last of the plagues. I don't think I can take much more. I made the mistake of looking up house flies on Wikipedia and discovered that a female can lay up to 9,000 eggs. Please, God, nooooo ....

But let me now move from mass murderer to bar mistress. Yep, I'm putting my pouring skills to the test tomorrow night - in a sacrificial effort to support a wonderful nonprofit called Net Impact, I'm giving up a Wednesday evening to get my friends drunk. Unfortunately, I don't get to keep the tips, but 10% of all bar sales go to this nonprofit. How nice, no? I feel like I should read up on mixing drinks, but figure that as along as I add plenty o' alcohol, the Gang of 100 and our new kids on the block aren't gonna care if I know how to properly blend a Mai Tai.

Surely there will be all sorts of excellent stories after tomorrow night ... like who's trying to party in whose pants among the Newbies. And who's the fake drunk. And who's a bad tipper. And how the boy I've been dating the most and the boy I used to be dating the most might both attend. Hmmm ...

----------------
Now playing: Tarkan - Kuzu Kuzu (Original Version)
via FoxyTunes

Futility: Playing the harp before a buffalo

Sometimes even the best ideas go terribly, terribly wrong in the right hands.

Take, for instance, an "innovation" meeting. We were told to come up with innovative ideas to transform the organization and then come together to share ideas. It sounds like such a great idea, doesn't it? I mean, what manager doesn't want an innovative group of employees?

Unfortunately, this particular group of employees might need to re-think its definition of innovation. For me, I think of Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr., Elvis, etc. Not so much, for this team of innovators in the innovation meeting. Oh no. No, the only idea snatched up was creating an innovation poster (!) ... complete with a team photo and a list of "innovations" that the team has concocted. Surely, you are thinking, The Lady V must be making this up. Because no one would really, truly give voice to such an idea.

But you'd be wrong. Wait, the story gets better -- the list of innovations includes the "Maria CD," a compilation of about 12 songs with the name Maria in it, which was given as a gift to a co-worker named (you guessed it) Maria. And it would include the organization calendar made with Shutterfly that features employees for each month (not naked. Which, although it might be an improvement, is certainly still not an innovation). And it might even include the Jeopardy game that featured answers like "The newest employee to start working here." The game took up 40 minutes of the 60 minute "strategic" all-hands meeting.

I swear, I must have seen this in a Dilbert cartoon before. Or maybe in my worst business nightmare. This, I think, was worse than the time at Big Red when I sat in a town hall meeting, awed by a short video montage of missile test firings (!) set to the Pat Benatar song "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Hm. Okay, maybe that was worse. But not by much.

Of course, the question that follows is, why did no one speak up at this innovation meeting? We're not exactly a group of wallflowers. Yet, there was something about the futility of the entire meeting that just smothered any spark of creativity that flickered pathetically in the great shadow of the innovation poster. It's interesting how just a few people can completely change the ambiance of a meeting from open dialogue to silent protestation. Not that I'm immune to this fault ... on the contrary, I know very well that I can be heavy-handed, over-bearing, and over-passionate. Yeah, I kinda suck. And that would be exactly why business without people would be so much easier. People (and me most of all) are just so darn messy.



----------------
Now playing: Nico Gomez - Aquarela
via FoxyTunes

I can be so pathetic sometimes ... but don't tell anyone

There's something really wonderful about procrastination. Maybe it's the fact that my bedroom gets a thorough cleaning, my laundry gets washed, and my feet get a home spa pedicure when I'm procrastinating. Or maybe it's the workaholic "war stories" I can tell because I was up until 3am, writing a memo on NGO strategic management after networking with MBA students and posting a new blog entry. Eh, whatever it is, procrastination is a wonderful thing and it's because of procrastination that all of you are able to read something on The Lady V. Gosh, I haven't even had time to procrastinate since my last entry!

The new crop of MBA Kidz are alive and kicking. For now. Poor souls, they are so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! I remember when I was like that ... before I felt like I had been run over by a truck and left in the middle of the road to be repeatedly crushed by passing vehicles before getting scraped up by a middle-aged, overweight man in blue overalls with a bad attitude.

Operation 2012 is also kinda feeling like a sputtering soul on its last legs. I've gone out a few times with a really great guy ... but we're running into a time management issue, it seems. This is what happens when two over-achievers get together, I guess. Oh, and there's been scant re-visiting from Ghosts of My Dating Past, so I feel like I'm officially moved on. But, Match.com is a bust. Seriously, I am the only Match user I know who hasn't gone on a single date! It's enough to make me curse Maya Angelou, whose disgustingly optimistic quote, "Have courage to trust love one more time. And always one more time" has been staring at -- no, taunting! -- me for months from one of those desk calendars that someone gives you when they can't think of anything else for a gift. Bah. I need to flip that calendar to a new quote. Too bad Angelou hasn't said much about the downfall of smarmy men and death to all romantic comedy films.

I need a vacation. Or at least a really great pick-me-up. Like a new pair of shoes! Except that I just spent a large chunk of change on books and school supplies. Bummer. I think I'll go and lose myself in a museum this weekend ... it'll be the third D.C. museum I've visited in a year!



----------------
Now playing: Chopin - Nocturne No 2 In E Major
via FoxyTunes