I Know What I Need!

For years, I've been under the impression that I need a "wife." I totally need someone to keep my schedule straight, cook meals for me, tidy up the house so it's neat when I get home, fold and iron my laundry, and pick up my dry cleaning. I've literally been waking up in a haze these days, unsure of where exactly I'm supposed to go and how I'm supposed to dress. I think it's all a side effect of taking two internships along with five classes, traveling to the Middle East, midterms, and preparing for my little sister's wedding. Never mind trying to also juggle the emotional complexities of having a younger sister married off, worrying about what the heck I'm gonna do after grad school, and dealing with boy drama. These days, I just long for boredom. Seriously. I often wonder what it must be like to have a day with absolutely nothing to do, nothing to think about, no emails or phone calls to return, nothing.

But I've suddenly realized that I've been wrong all these years. I don't need a wife.

I need an understudy.

Yep, a perfect clone or maybe someone that loosely resembles the Lady V. Just think -- I could send her out on the first date from a match.com adventure. Especially if I'm having a bad hair day or just want to sleep instead. The Lady V understudy could have studied for my econ midterm and taken it in my place. But instead, I had to take a two hour exam having only crammed for an hour beforehand. Just think of all those times you've wished you could be in two places at once! An understudy totally solves all these problems. She could be in my Finance class while I rake in money for a nonprofit as a guest bartender. She could be home cooking dinner while I'm studying. I could even send her out as my representative to hang out with those people that I don't want to make time for, but know that I need to. Okay, that would be sorta mean, but it would be such a beautiful thing ...

Now, I just have to find another Asian in D.C. I should hold a casting call. Oh! Even better, I should post a Craigslist ad and pay by the hour ... hmmmm ...

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